I could use a nap. And not in the way that I’ll actually get to take one, but it’s a dream of mine. The mythical afternoon siesta.
For today a small miracle has occurred: my internet was restored and my daughter simultaneously went to sleep. If she hears the pitter-patter of tiny keystrokes, this interlude will end, but until then – well, would you give into a damn nap?
I only have several weeks of work to flutter through!
At least there’s a dizzying (read: utterly-to-die-for-and-I-may-have-an-addiction) array of accessory supplies lying heaped around me… She was willing to help me to build that pile!
She’s a very conscientious assistant, for the right tasks.
You see, like so many of us, I had a DREAM. A huge dream. I am going to run a business.
Such a tiny sentence for such lofty dreams.
The unknown challenges. The potential achievements. The sheer adventure of starting something new, just your own…
… and the frustration of not being able to touch projects right in front of you – because your babe threatens to throw a tanty each time your eyes wander in the direction of the sewing machine or the computer.
I find myself asking now – how do you live your life as a “mumprenuer”?
It’s not the “big picture” points that bother me – what to prioritise, how to be present for my child, whether I have enough “me time”.
It’s the nitty gritty: how do I physically get the garments that need to be sewn up made?
How do I sound professional on the phone whilst I stand in line at the shops and my Mini-Me launches into a Shakespearean meltdown?
And deepest of all, how do I hold the faith that this will all work out? How do I keep challenging myself, growing, taking “new directions” and consolidating others that have worked before – all when I feel like I’m flying at break neck speed blindfolded?
I know there isn’t really a solution to these dilemmas, but at times like this, when my daughter gives my brain room to breathe, the questions do pop up like mushrooms.
Last month we reached the first milestone – we got our online store off the cutting room floor!
I’m over the moon – and at the same time, so damn daunted by every exciting thing I hadn’t realised would naturally follow. If I ever thought running my own business would be something I could pace with my daily mood, well, I’m the last one laughing at that..!
In a wonderful way, I feel like we’re just being pulled along with the current. It really is a bit like becoming a mother. You learn it as you live it. You adapt, you even find yourself laughing maniacally when the preposterous happens. And yes you do miss sleeping.
Then again, maybe all that time you miss dreaming drives you to create and to explore all those places you normally would in your sleep with your eyes wide open.
Here’s to living out our dreams… even if we feel lost along the way.